Quips, Idioms and Lingo Tag

Whatever happened to those old quips and idioms we used to hear all the time? Are any still around? Have we come up with new ones?

Armed with springboard inspiration from Everyday Magic With Jubilee and Mom Life With Chiari (from their “Dear 15 Year Old Me Tag), I am creating a new blogger tag for quips, idioms, catchphrases, adages, axioms, expressions, and lingo. Here are the rules:

1. Come up with as many quips, idioms, and weird sayings as you can think of. Comb your (or someone’s) memory or the Internet for old or new; or, make up your own!
2. Weave them into any kind of story – fiction, non-fiction, humorous, serious, thoughtful, or fluff – to post on your blog.
3. Tag whoever you want to. Notify your tag.

Here’s one to start it off:

*           *           *

“Shazaam!”

“Heavens to Murgatroyd, Joe, you look like the wreck of the Hesperus. What happened?”

Me and Sam had sauntered over to Joe’s place this morning. We had all known each other since we were knee high to a grasshopper. Joe had been shifting from job to job since high school, and was living in a turn-of-the-century boat house. Except the house wasn’t anywhere near the water.

“Chalk it up to the domino theory,” Joe mumbled. He rubbed his head. “Do I have any blood?”

I stepped in for a closer look. “Bill!” Joe yelled at me, “Not that close! For crying out loud! I don’t want none of your cooties.”

I cuffed him on the ear. “No blood, Knucklehead, but I can make some, if you want.”

“Where’d you go last night?” asked Sam. “We never saw you after Louie’s.”

“Oh, man, I hooked up with this babe.”

Sam and I took a moment to look at each other and smirk. Babe, indeed. Whatever.

“We took off,” Joe continued with a dreamy look in his eye. “I thought we were going like sixty. Ended up in this swanky joint. The Katz pajamas, you know? She kept ordering these ritzy drinks and snacks. When it came time to leave, they wanted me to pay up. I didn’t have the cash! Man, you’d a thunk we were behind the iron curtain and they were calling out the civil defense. Holy moley -all a sudden I’m staring five or six guys in their beady little eyes. I pulled out what I thought was my fail safe charm, you know the ‘ingenuous smile’ I use all the time, but no way did they fall for it. Dang.” He felt a tooth. “I think this one’s loose.”

I had been looking around during his narrative. “Did they follow you here? This place looks disgusting. What –“ I picked up a soggy, stinking shirt between my thumb and forefinger – “is this?

“Oh, uh… I musta got sick. You can throw that out.”

I headed for the head.

“Don’t forget to pull the chain.” Joe yelled.

“Geez, Joe!” Sam started. “This is a fine kettle of fish. Don’t we always tell you not to take any wooden nickels? What do you get yourself into these messes for?”

“I really think my tooth is loose,” Joe repeated, worrying it with his tongue.

“Come on.” Sam helped Joe get up. “I’ll take you to my mom’s. She’s got all kinds of remedies for stuff.”

“Aw fiddlesticks,” Joe retorted. “I don’t want to go there. You know how she is. She’ll fuss and say, ‘Oh my stars and garters’ and want to hear the whole story. I ain’t going.”

“Yes you are,” I said, coming back into the room. “You don’t have the money for a dentist, and she’s the only one who can help you. If you lose that tooth, you can say goodbye to any future dates with anyone, babe or not.” I grabbed his other arm, and we both hauled him up. “On your feet and awa-a-ay we go! Get it? 23 skiddoo!”

Outside, Sam and Joe headed east, and I took off the other way.

“Hey, where you going?” asked Sam.

“I got stuff to take care of,” I said. “You guys can paddle your own Hindenburg.”

“Fine,” muttered Joe. “We don’t need you anyway. See you in the funny papers.”

*           *           *

I’m tagging the following:

A New Life

Something to Stu Over

Daily Hopeful

Mom Life with Chiari

Julie Dibble Writes

Miraculous Smile

Heaven’s Reef

Please, feel under no obligation. Have fun with this!